The Beginning

Duluth, MN. 

18 years of my life spend in this city. Many ups, many downs. Growing up in a smaller town you learn to develop many different relationships with many different people. I started out growing up with friends and family within a 3 mile radius of my house. I spent most of my days at the lake, playing sports, and with my best friend. This is when my journey began. I attended Proctor High School where my graduating class had less than 130 students in it. A place where you knew everything about everybody. I played soccer, softball and hockey all throughout high school, which kept me busy most of the time. This is where my self doubt all started. I was never the best player, was never the most confident player. I struggled since I was a kid trying to figure out why I was never the best. Hours spent throwing a softball, batting practice in the yard, and still it just never was enough. I was always being passed up by girls that just had more talent than me. It wasn't until my sophomore year that I really started to bloom in sports. I found that I had a natural path in softball, where even a bad day was still not a bad day for others, but to me, it was a really bad day. I became a very competitive person, with little drive. That was the biggest problem I had in succeeding in sports was no matter how good I was, I lacked the drive to be the best. These problem later than developed more self doubt in just being a human it lead me to trying to manage my friends at school and my family at home. 

Many years had passed through this time and even though I had sports to take my mind off the high school drama that it brings, I struggled mentally from a young age. An age where you're not even sure who you are or who you want to be. I wasn't alone, every girl in my class was in that awkward stage of figuring out who they were. I took this stage really hard. I wanted to always be the one that got noticed, that looked good in everything she wore. When people say your high school days may be your hardest, without a doubt this was my hardest stage in life... until I went to college. Even though the outside may have shown many of my classmates a different look into me, deep down I was a mess. I felt like rock bottom was all I had. I lived the best life. My parents gave me everything I could have ever dreamed of having, but even with that perfect of a life at home I struggled to be happy with myself. High school was a hard time for me, and looking back now I wouldn't change it for the world. It brought out the best and worst in me. It was 3-4 years of trying to figure out who I was, who I wanted to be and still by the end of it I was unsatisfied. I went to school, went to practice, went home. Each and everyday with a smile on my face like I was ok. I'll tell you as a 23 year old now, I was not okay. I was broken in so many ways, and it all started with self doubt. I couldn't find ways to pick myself up so instead I found other ways to cover it all up and do it with a smile. This brings me to my first lesson... 

Focus less on other people, and focus more on yourself. 

High school is hard, girls are judgmental, but there are so many ways that you can be a beautiful person inside and out. Take your time and energy to focus on yourself, quit worrying about what others think and you can be happy. Take your hardest time and make it into a positive outcome. I know today it may seem like it'll never get better, but I'm here to tell you... It gets better. It gets WAY better.